Questionnaire!
by threemillionworded
Summary: Ask any charcter ANY QUESTION. AU, possible reference to ?x? Rated T because I can.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer I own nothing

Disclaimer I own nothing!!

Narrator: Hello! And welcome to Questionnaire! This is where readers can ask any character from death note ANY QUESTION THEY WANT!

Light: Unless you annoy me. Then I may just have to kill you.

-Narrator pushes light out of the way-

Narrator: HAHA! Very funny Light! You wouldn't do that…because then my Shinigami would kill you. Right Spice?

Spice: Huh? Sure…whatever.

Light: sigh

Narrator: And don't forget! The crazier the question, the more likely it will be used! So go for it!

Author's note: First story thing. Any tips or advice is welcome!


	2. Chapter 2

Narrator: It seems we have some questions

Narrator: It seems we have some questions!

Ryuk: It's about time. I was beginning to think I was going to run out of apples.

L: You cannot run out of apples. I cannot run out of sweets. It's just Death Note law.

Narrator: Riiight. Anywaaays, on with the first question. Hana taichou asks: Light- what would you do if I stole your Death Note and replaced it with a giant pink unicorn?

Light: What kind of question is that?

Misa: Light is Misa's!! How dare you ask him a question!

Narrator: Just answer the question!

Light: Well, you wouldn't be able to get it…considering I always hide it so well. I'm smarter than you…so…yeah.

L: That's not answering the question, Light.

Light: Yes it is!!

L: -bites thumb-

Misa: Misa is confused!

L: Of course you are.

Misa: -tilts head-

Narrator: Anywaayyys, Light, you still need to answer the question.

Near: -smirk- yes, Light, you do.

Light: FINE. I guess I would probably freak out and blame it on Ryuuzaki. For some reason, I think he would do that.

L: Yes, I suppose so.

Matt: -plays video games- Why am I hear again?

Narrator: To answer questions.

Matt: I'd rather not….

L: Would you do it for a Scooby Snack?

Matt: - blinks a few times-

L: Sorry, I couldn't help it.

Narrator: I am giving you video games! Now wait your turn! Anyywayss…

Mello: Why do you keep friggin saying that?

Narrator: Saying what?

Mello: -attempts an annoying voice (it wasn't hard)- Anyywayyss….

Narrator: I do not! Okay. Wait. Yeah, maybe I do. I'll stop. Sorry. Any-. I mean, Next Question! Also from Hana taichou: L- how do you NOT get fat after eating all that sugar?

Light: Yes, L, tell us.

L: I am constantly thinking. The brain uses more calories than any other organ. So I keep up on that.

Mello: I'd still think you'd get diabetes or something.

Near: Yes, Mello, You're one to talk.

Mello: I don't eat THAT much chocolate.

Narrator: Yeah, you do. Okay, next question! FrigidSnow asks: Near- What would you do if you were stuck in a closet for a day with Mello, whipped cream, handcuffs, and chocolate syrup?

Near: Hmm…interesting…

Mello: Yes?

Near: Well, considering I am more of the 'likes to be dominated' type, rather than the dominator, I think I would be hoping Mello would do something. -Smirk-

Mello: And I probably would.

Narrator: Ooh, ooh, it's getting interesting now!

L: That it is.

Narrator: Our final question for this episodechapterthingy is also from FrigidSnow: L-What would you be like if you didn't have ANY sugar for a week?

L: -eyes wide- well, there is a number of possibilities. There is a 1 chance I'd be the same. Most probably, I would get cranky and order Matsuda around for awhile.\

Matsuda: HEY!

L: THEN, I would probably resort to bribing people for sweets. Like promising Light some 'fun' or giving Misa Light's journal.

Misa: I want that!

Light: I don't keep a journal….

Ryuk: Yeah right. Ahem. January 6, 2008. It's a cold night. Sometimes I wish-

Light: Shut up Ryuk!!

Ryuk: Whatever.

L: Eventually I would just crash from the lack of energy. I would be extremely sad though…. so please don't take away my sweets. –puppy face-

Misa: AWWWWWWW!

Narrator: AWWWWWW!

L: ….

Narrator: Well, that's all for today! Keep asking, and we'll keep answering!!


	3. Chapter 3

Narrator: It looks like we have lots of questions today

Narrator: It looks like we have lots of questions today! Is everyone ready for some fun?!

L: -eats cake-

Light: -eats potato chips dramatically-

Misa: -watches Light dramatically eat potato chips-

Matsuda: -frantically gets ready to take notes-

Ryuk: -yawns and eyes an apple-

Matt: -plays video games-

Mello: -eats chocolate-

Near: -plays with toy cars-

Everyone else: -ignores narrator-

Narrator: Riiightt. I guess we are all set! So first question is from a returning uh…guest? Yeah, let's call them guests. FrigidSnow asks: Mello- Do you think your scar is awesome or disgusting?

Mello: -looks in mirror- Hmm…. What do you think, Near?

Near: I think it suits you. It makes you look tougher. Like you'd rather control…which you would.

Mello: That I would. Yes, I do think my scar is pretty awesome.

Narrator: Okay…well, good for you! Next question. FrigidSnow asks: Raito- How many pounds of hair products do you use every morning?

Sayu: -snickers- yes big brother, tell them Allll about it.

Light: I do not use that much!

L: I would estimate about 7.4 pounds of it every morning.

Light: NO I DON'T!!

Sayu: Sure you don't.

Light: I only use 5 pounds!!

L: Right. And I only eat three cakes a day.

Watari: Ryuuzaki? Have you been sneaking cakes?

L: Watari? You're here??

Narrator: Uh yes, I did say ALL of the cast would be here.

Watari: I think you and I need to have a quick chat about your health young man. –grabs l by the ear and pulls him out of the room-

L: OW. OW. OW. –Sigh-

Light: -laughs like a maniac-

Narrator: Seriously, Light. How many pounds do you use?

Light: -rolls eyes- 7.4 pounds.

L: -shouts from other room- I knew it!

Narrator: OKAY! Next question! This question is from Akira Pheonix: Ukita  
tackles Ukita down and pins him but he is stronger and gets on top of her.  
You're so cute. Wish you didn't die.  
What do you think is the best job of being a cop?

Ukita: Somebody remembers me! Sweet!

Narrator: Seriously, I barely remembered you.

Mogi: Now that's just not nice.

Ukita: The best job of being a cop is when you solve a really big or important case. The feeling of accomplishment and knowing you are keeping people safe is why I became a cop.

Misa: What's a-accomp-lish-ment?

Light: I'll tell you all about it later.

Misa: Misa is happy!

Narrator: Right. Mogi, Akira Pheonix has another question: Even if using guns were against the law in Japan, has there ever been a time where you actually almost shot someone?

Ukita: Yeah, as a cop you always have to be prepared. But the closest I have ever come to shooting someone would be Matsuda and his annoying cheers. I was seriously THIS CLOSE to shooting him. –Holds fingers together so there is almost no room in between-

Matsuda: Hey! I thought my cheers were fun!

L: Yes, I actually found them quite enjoyable. –Takes a bite of cake-

Light: Where did you come from?

L: I came back like 5 minutes ago. Didn't you notice?

Narrator: Yes, riiight. Anyways, Matsuda, no cheers today.

Matsuda and L: Awwww.

Narrator: I mean it. Now look Matsuda! You have a question!

Matsuda: 2, 4, 6, 8, who do we appreciate?

Narrator: I SAID NO CHEERS! Okay. Matsuda. Akira Pheonix wants to know: How did you cope with the fact that you shot Kira even if you knew that he was Light?

Matsuda: Because Light is a pansy bastard who killed his own father and then lied about it!

Everyone in the room: -stunned-

Ryuk: -laughs-

Light: T-that was…. very out of character of you Matsuda.

L: I don't believe so. Matsuda idolized your father very much, Light, so actually there was a high chance Matsuda would have reacted in that way.

Matsuda: What? It's true.

Light: Heh, heh. –Sweatdrop-

Narrator: And finally, Akira Pheonix would like to give Ryuk a box of apples!! But she says you can't eat them in one chapter!

Ryuk: -eyes wide- I like this girl!

Narrator: Now remember Ryuk…you have to let them last the wh-

Ryuk: -Is finished box of apples-

Everybody but Light: -stunned-

Narrator: O…kay. Well, that just about wraps things up for today, so until next time here on-

Matsuda: Questionnaire!

Narrator: That was my line!!

Matsuda: Sorry….


	4. Chapter 4

!!

Narrator: Well, we're back!!

Misa: We are? I didn't know we left!!

Light: We didn't.

Misa: T-then...huh?

Light: -sigh- you're right. We left while you were asleep.

Misa: OH OKAY!

Narrator: Right. Well, we have lots of questions today, so everyone be in high spirits.

Everyone but Matsuda: -is quiet-

Matsuda: WHOO!

Narrator: Thank you Matsuda. I have always liked you. Ok, the first question is for Ide. –Looks at name again- Who's Ide? Does anyone know?

Death Note cast: -Mumbles stuff about how they have no idea who this 'Ide' character is-

Ide: -jumps up and down - Over here!

Narrator: Oh well…next question. Ideas Morres asks: Mogi- How did you teach yourself to be quiet.

Matsuda: Oh I know!!

Light: If you know then why don't you try it?

Matsuda: -is sad-

Mogi: Actually, funny story. I used to be just like Matsuda!!

Everyone: REALLY?!

Mogi: Yeah, but then I started to tape my mouth shut for an hour everyday, just to learn to be quiet.

L: And that worked?

Mogi: Yeah, I guess.

Light: -holds up thing of duct tape- Hey, Matsuda, let's give this a try!

Mikami: Wouldn't it be easier if I deleted him, God?

Light: Oh, but this is so much more fun. –Tackles Matsuda to the ground and tapes his mouth shut-

L: A-are you stroking him?

Light: -takes hand away quickly- NO!

Matsuda: -Mumbles-

Narrator: Right. Okay, Mogi, Ideas Morrew also asks: How would you react if I told you that you got paired with Matsuda, Ide, and Aizawa in stories? Actually, you been paired with Misa in a comic?

Mogi: Like…sexually?!

L: That what it sounds like, yes.

Mogi: Wait, who is this Ide we keep speaking of?

Ide: -waves arms frantically- Over here!!

Narrator: Who knows? Just answer the question.

Ide: -sigh-

Mogi: That's…. kind of disturbing. Although Misa is adorable!

Misa: Thank you Mogi, but you know I only have eyes for Light.

Mogi: Right. Kay.

Narrator: Well…that answered our next question. Mogi told us what he thought of Misa…

Mogi: Yes, she's like a little fluffy kitten!

Misa: Meow! Meow! Meow!

Narrator: O…Kay. Mogi, one last question: Was it true that Matsuda phoned her as in Misa to let her know Light died?

Matsuda: -mumbles-

Mogi: Yeah, she didn't take it very well….

Misa: Light died?! But he's right here!

Light: Yes, I am dead. This is a fan fiction. I am allowed to be alive.

Misa: -hides face in pillow- NOOO! –Sobs- L-light!! D-don't l-leave me!!

Light: I'm right here….

Misa: Oh okay!

Narrator: In any case, that's all the time we have for today! Keep asking here on-

Matsuda: -mumbles-

Narrator: HA! –Mocks Matsuda- I get to say it, I get to say it, I-

Light: -Takes tape off of Matsuda-

Matsuda: Questionnaire!!

Narrator: -Is stunned-

Light: Seriously, you were getting more annoying than Matsuda.


	5. Chapter 5

Narrator: Goodness, -wipes sweat of forehead- We have a lot of questions, and such little time

Narrator: Goodness, -wipes sweat of forehead- We have a lot of questions, and such little time!!

L: -bites thumb- Yes, it appears so.

Light: Ryuuzaki, you are such a smartass.

L: Why thank you, Light. It's much better than being a dumbass though, right Misa?

Misa: Yeah!! Wait…are you insulting me?

Light: -sarcastically- Nooo.

Misa: OK!

Narrator: Well, since we are so far behind on questions…Let's answer some shall we?

Everyone: -Groans-

Narrator: It wasn't a question! Now then, Mikami, you have a question: You were awesome in the anime. Did you think Light was completely deranged when you found out just how scared he was about death?

Mikami: I could never think such a thing about God! I would be afraid to die if I was he, because I would know the world needs me! What is life without God?

Narrator: The same? Sorry, atheist here. Anyways, Mikami has another question: Did you kill yourself for God when you thought he was not worthy?

Mikami: Yes!! God isn't worthy to have to look at the likes of me. I am not even worthy enough to be in his presence right now!

Light: -beams-

L: -pokes Light- You look very arrogant right now, Light.

Light: Psh.

Narrator: Hey! Aizawa! People don't hate you! You have a question: You have a cute daughter. Have you ever been compared to any celeb that played cop characters?

Aizawa: Yes, I love her to death. No, I haven't been compared.

Misa: Misa thinks you look like that guy that used to work for L with the Afro!

Aizawa: -Sweatdrop- Yeah, we do look similar don't we?

Near: Oh quite.

Narrator: Okay Aizawa, another question…or rather a statement: I'm glad you got rid of the fro. The hairstyle you got makes you look younger.

Misa: So that WAS you!!

Light: Good job sweetie! Now as a prize, you get this duct tape around your mouth for the rest of the day!

Misa: YAY!

Light: -tapes up Misa-

Aizawa: Well, thank you for the compliment.

Narrator: Well...then. That's all we have for today! Hasta La Vista! This was-

Matsuda: Qu-

Narrator: -pushes Matsuda out of the way- Questionnaire! Bye!


End file.
